“Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest.” The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis (non-coincidentally, a book given me by a dear friend)
Friendship is such an in-organic thing; there is no biological purpose for it, and society can still function without it. But at the same time, it is arguably the most selfless and natural form of love, and nobody in their right mind would choose to live without it. You are not bound by blood, and there is no romantic or sexual interest in each other. Western books, movies, music, etc. are dominated by romantic heros, and in Eastern culture, you can replace that with filial piety. In comparison, much less is said about friendship. It is valued and esteemed but still second place, and no one questions that. If I put my husband or family above my friend, it would be completely accepted and probably even encouraged. But why does that make sense? When a true friend is someone who has CHOSEN to love you and to stick to you at all times…
“This love, free from instinct, free from all duties but those which love has freely assumed, almost wholly free from jealousy, and free without qualification from the need to be needed, is eminently spiritual.”
In my lifetime, I don’t expect to make more than a handful of true friends. The world has evolved to a point where migration is so easy, and spending long periods of time with the same people has become so rare… and an emphasis on friendship equal to desire for family or erotic love even more so.
But I desire those friendships that when discovered and nurtured create a sort of musical string bridging us two, so that when you hurt, I cannot smile, and when you laugh, my whole body rumbles.
Today I realized I don’t actually want to run.
Today, more than any other day, I want to be a runner.
The best part about flights is how much reading I can get done amidst all the waiting and spilling sandwich crumbles on myself because there is no table to eat on.
East of Eden, John Steinbeck (I’m more than halfway through, and it has thus far caused me to be scared of faling asleep because demons exist and to be drained of the the last moisture I was clinging onto in the stratosphere)
Going to rephrase Tim Keller rephrasing Jonathan Edwards (who freaked me out in 11th grade history class with SINNERS IN THE HANDS OF AN ANGRY GOD but this point I’m about to write is very good and not frightening at all).
Thesis: Christians should be happy.
1. Our bad things will turn out for good.
2. Our good things can never be taken away from us.
3. The best things are yet to come.
C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
In this quote, a more-experienced devil teaches his little mentee how to turn humans against one another. Good reminder of our own self-unawareness.
My water cup just did a total 360, and now all my crap is wet.
I wrote the previous sentence a few minutes ago— just looked around and the dark carpet has totally absorbed my water, and now no one will ever know of my misdeed. Muahaha.
My co-worker just walked by, so I hope she doesn’t think I’m posting about my personal life on tumblr or anything.
I’m sorry I keep talking about my social media hiatus, but I can’t help it, because it has seriously transformed my mind. I logged on for the first time in forever just to check and see if my account had been hacked (Oreo… you ruin me…), and I literally just see ONE status update of this super happy moment. I know for a fact it was not as happy as it seems, and it’s just so crazy how we can portray our lives HOWEVER we choose to. No one is going to put up a picture of someone yelling or crying or pooping, but that shiz is going down all the freaking time! Vickie was just telling me that the other day, but I felt it so strongly just now— it’s unbelievable how much we don’t see and how we compare our lives to the tiniest shadows of reality. But even recognizing that I know I wil STILL compare, STILL be jealous because I have this weak and pathetic human heart. But I also have hope that this putty little heart of mine can be strengthened and can be wise and not only recognize truth but taste it, feel it, all the senses man!
Blergh! Huzzah to personal growth!
Excellent President’s Day Weekend excursion to Nashville and Louisville, the latter which I loved.
Not using social media has freed up so much time to do other stuff… wonder if I should just stop using forever? Greater satisfaction in what I have, what you have given me.
New blog format causing me to no longer need to date and timestamp these suckers. Am I sad about that? Kinda felt like a real diary.
Wearing rainboots and stepping in puddles feels so good. A very nice eff you to the dirty slushy crap of Chicago streets.
Many thoughts regarding independence and Book of Mormon.
Going home to Dallas Easter weekend. Was first iffy about not being in Chicago for Good Friday/Easter Sunday. And also iffy because I might not be able to attend any services in Dallas either if I want to spend more time with my parents. But then realized I really just wanted to paint my nails pastel and wear a nice dress to church. So we’ll see, heh.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Oh what da… just found out the REAL LENT is starting this Wednesday. Guess my fb/instagram freeze can go on for 40 days then.
Sweet! What a great coincidence. Let’s hope this results in less of me and more of him.
Monday, February 11, 2013
11:12pm, post long talk with a rat chameleon
I told myself I would stop biting my nails but here I am, tiny fleshy mounds sitting above my almost-non-existent nails, contacts almost permanently more to the left side of my eyes since I was lying on that side of my face for so long… blegh. Need glasses. Wherest art thou glasses? Sitting at Terminal 2 in the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport?
Realizing facebook and instagram have become a vehicle of envy. Not just wanting my life to be as beautiful, whimsical, lovely, and adventurous as theirs, but wanting theirs to be less so. The bitterness that comes with seeing a status update saying something like “I just saved 5 cents at cvs!” with 250 likes. Kinda wishing that many people would take pleasure in me saving 5 cents at CVS.
So let’s just say I’ll do a personal lent from facebook and instagram for the rest of the month. Maybe I’ll come out of it with a more level head. Good thing February only has 28 days? Har har har.
Also, to the bearded folksy white man at the Grand Red Line stop playing the harmonica, guitar, and cymbals, you have the voice of an angel, and I’m in love with you.